Dating and confused

"Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart." ~ Annie, Bull Durham.

Ok so is it the timing that's off? Should I have studied more physics? And why does attraction have to be so out of our control? Why can't we be attracted to the person who on paper is the best match for us? Why is it so hard to find a good partner??

I have been seeing a seemingly nice guy in his early 40s. We have lots in common. We can talk for 2 hrs at a time on the phone. But (you knew there was a but, didn't you?) I don't think he's that into me. And ambivalence isn't a characteristic that I find appealing; it's hard on the self-esteem and the confusion it creates sucks up a lot of time and energy for over-analyzing. On the other hand there is a much younger guy (like well beyond my usual 7 yr age limit in either direction) who is the nephew of some friends that I see off and on every so often for social evenings. On paper this is a ridiculous match but the sparks are almost tangible. He's goofy at times and makes me feel young (I know that is totally cliche) and yet seems to have his crap together - owns a house and just started his own construction business, helps out his family etc. But (yep, another but) we never seem to get it together for more than the odd spark filled evening every few months.

And why did god give men radar? 'Cause I swear that they know when there is no man in your immediate vicinity and then they can't be bothered to give you the time of day but if you get just one phone call from a potential suitor they are back to being interested. Even when logged into an online dating site I've noticed it is all or nothing - lots of emails/smiles/instant messages or nada. I would love to know what women's equivalent power is...because understanding men sure isn't it.

Annie: What do you believe in, then?
Crash: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Something's missing and I don't know how to fix it...

Bad case of the pre-Christmas blues compounded by pms, my sister and her boys' departure and some sad goings on of a friend.

I miss:

• coffee with friends
• shopping on Corydon
• snow....hmm, maybe I'm coming down with something!
• having company crowded into my little house
• not having to think about the packability of gifts
• my mom
• being part of a couple
• believing in Santa and the magical sparkle of the season

I am not the kind of person who is organized for Christmas months in advance which may be a good thing. Maybe as I get into the swing of things the blues will lift. My trip home this year will be very brief since I have no vacation time so I will have to enjoy all of the -30 and visiting that I can!

Like Father, Like Daughter?

This past weekend my Dad came out to pick up his Ford Explorer - graciously lent to me to try out camping here in Alberta. One of his friends also flew out a day later so that he would have someone to drive back with, which I thought was nice although it did inspire some housework and reno panic.

The thing about my Dad and his visits is that he is determined to help me with things that need doing around the house. No, not cleaning, or painting, or electrical or plumbing...and not always things that are high on my list. Where it gets more interesting is that my dad believes that you should do things yourself but he isn't always very good at doing them. To up the ante, he an I do not work well together but he insists on doing things with me and not on his own.

This visit I suggested that we work on finishing doorframe trim and baseboards. My front door has looked like vandals had at the casing for quite a while and in October a girlfriend hauled out a small compressor, air tank and nailer from my Dad's that I had yet to put to use. We managed to get through Friday with no renos since I booked a dentist appointment and then we had to go to the airport and then a late lunch and so on.

But Saturday the push to get into projects took over my father and by 9 a.m. he was saying the phrase that always gets my ire going "well, we better get started on this stuff or we won't get anything done y'know!". Another thing to know about my Dad is that at home he can't seem to get to bed before 3 a.m. or get up before 11:00 a.m. if allowed to run on his own schedule but when visiting me he is usually up around 8:00. During the week I am up at 6:15 (give or take a few snoozes) but weekends I like to get up about 9:00 and gradually ease into the day after a latte and some HGTV.

Well the funniest moment of the weekend came on Sunday afternoon after I said I didn't want to do more trim and had enough. Dad had been working in the back bedroom for some time and I had heard the usual cursing as he went up and downstairs cutting and recutting boards so I thought I should at least check on him (and encourage him once again to stop and just come and visit). The door was closed and when I inquired how he was doing (alright so I said "have you fallen and can't get up in there?") the door was opened with the sound of wood splintering....yes, he had actually nailed himself inside the room.

After I told a number of friends this story I started to reflect and wonder....how alike are we?

• *When I project there is generally swearing involved somewhere around the 2/3 mark in the project when things aren't going how I envisioned
• *I don't often read directions
• *I tend to rush towards things being "done" and maybe skimp on details and can be a bit sloppy (see recent trim painting)

I do at least feel a bit relieved that I can see some differences too...

• *I prefer to project alone
• *I refuse to push on when it's not going well and will put things down and walk away (usually this is when I consult the internet)
• *I never start a project before 10 a.m. and often start late at night

I have heard that women turn into their mothers but is it possible that in this day and age we're at risk of turning into our fathers too??

I just hope I've also inherited some of the best of both too!

Zoom zoom....boom?

Is there any chance that it's been a full moon for the past 3 or more weeks?

A week ago this Wednesday I smucked up my poor little Mazda. It had no zoom-zoom after I t-boned a young guy who thought he could make a left in front of me in his parents' Audi. They might be almost as unhappy as I was. After the accident I have to admit most things went well; the police showed up asap, the insurance lady set up a rental for me, the girl at Enterprise came in early the next morning for me so I wouldn't be late AND she didn't try to put me in an itty bitty car...I am driving a Buick Lucerne. Of course I do feel like I should be at least 20 yrs older to be driving that car but driving around in veloured luxury isn't hard to take!

Ironically (yes there seems to be a lot of that in my life lately) I was on my way to a doctor's appointment. So this week when I was rescheduled I had to cover off a bit of a sore neck and back before getting back to the reason for my original visit....hives. While I was in Boston I woke up one morning with my lower legs covered in them which I chalked up to some bad chowder the night before. But the stupid things keep appearing randomly and there has been no chowder since. And no, I did not change my laundry detergent - I have been asked that so often that I am starting to sympathize with detergent companies about the bad rap their products get.

The hives have been one issue but on top of that I loaded on a bunch of weight in about 2 weeks - we're talking about enough that even some of your fat pants aren't fitting! And I couldn't lift anything....I felt like a total weakling. And more shockingly, I was going to bed before 10 p.m. and was still exhausted. I think one night it was before 9!! Being as I'm a night owl by nature that may have been the thing that freaked me out almost as much as the hives. On top of those things I also had woozy moments where I probably couldn't tell you my name. And certain body parts seemed to attract more volume. I wondered how to ask the doctor if there was a disease that turned you into a cross between Pamela Anderson and Kim Kardashian? but itchy...

The good news this week is that my car has only $10,000 in damage. When you think that they may write it off for almost 10k less than you paid for it a year ago, that's good news. And considering replacing the driver's door last year when someone hit it on the street was $3800, suddenly $10,000 doesn't seem like a lot. The other good news is that I'm starting to feel better. Mostly I'm just not as exhausted and a little more clear-headed. And I can fit into my fat pants.

Last night's run: 2.6 miles in about 35 mins. It's bad but since I hadn't been there in more than a month I can't complain too much.

Irony

.... is when the part for your air conditioner is delivered on the same day as the first snowfall.