12:59 PM

Ch...ch...ch....changes!

Who knew so much could change in 7 months!

No, I haven't quite got the running down.  No, I haven't quite got the anxiety issues solved.  No, the home renos aren't finished.
Crap now I think I have more things to do.

Anyways, life has been busy without all of the above.  Today is a day off.  I have those quite often and yet they are no longer filled with doing nothingness.  (ok sometimes I slide that in)  Having someone in my life and that someone having a young someone in his life means things have gotten very busy. 

I'm used to busy at work.  I'm good at busy at work.  Busy at home?  What is this?  And never mind busy at home....often it's busy being out from home. 

There is baseball to cheer on, practices to get to, tournaments to book hotels for, socializing with family who live closer than 13 hrs away, date nights, hanging out with a pre-teen nights and some nights are now almost entirely just laundry nights.  And cleaning up the kitchen from someone else cooking nights.  Oh and there was ringette and bowling, there is still some gymnastics and I haven't gotten to football yet.  And this weekend there will be camping. 

Phew!

It has required some adapting but it is a heck of a lot of fun!  Gotta go do laundry!

3:15 PM

Back to the basics

So after much soul searching and little sleep I realized that I have a problem. And I don't think I'm alone but I alone can work on it.

I struggle with insecurity. And when you add that to a bad history of relationships and a habit of giving up your own interests when in one, it's a real bad thing.

I gave my apologies to the great guy I was seeing. I totally lost my shit this past week. And I didn't really see it coming when I probably should have.

And like most of life, there are no do-overs. I need to pick myself up and try to figure this shit out for once and for all.

Today that meant I didn't crawl back in bed. I went for a run - well a walk/run and to the library and grocery store. Lucky for me a girlfriend kept me company via chat on her phone. And agreed to run a 5k with me in a couple of months and do some training together. Next up Linksome low-cal lunch stuff at the store since some weight gain hasn't helped either.

I found a great article here that actually described to a "t" what has gone on. And gave real advice on what to do. I don't imagine I'll be fixed up right away but every little step forward is a good thing.

10:21 AM

Win some and lose some

Apparently my overly analytical and hot headed self is too much to handle. I actually like having some plans of my own, looking forward to them and following through.

Guess I suddenly have more time for renos and the gym again.

9:43 PM

Wagon? What wagon?

Back tonight for the first time in months...it was a painful experience. I'm literally icing a shin and hoping the feeling of lungs on fire will fade.

5 and 1s...ugh. 5 minute walks and 1 minute runs
5k in 49 mins