7:56 PM

When do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

When I was little I had a book about a little girl deciding what she wanted to be when she grew up. I didn't really like the book because I couldn't really understand how she was going to decide. That should have been a sign....

I thought deciding in high school what career path you wanted to take (and therefore deciding on University or Community College or trying to talk your parents into a year off) was difficult. Then after postponing it with a B.A. what I wanted to be became kind of an ongoing decision more about how to pay the bills than what I really wanted to do.

There were some boyfriend decisions...do I want to date him? or get serious? and at a fairly young age the decision to move in together and then get married. Four years later was the biggie - the decision to separate and then after years of fighting over what little a couple of 20 yr olds can accumulate, divorce.

Shortly after that came the first big career decision involving a relocation. Out to Calgary for the first time. When the job didn't pan out and income was tight came the decision to return to school and move home. This time I was a little more focused...well, after I decided between Law, an MBA and settled on a 1 yr diploma that seemed a bit risky but with quicker payoff than multiple years in school.

Next up was the decision to relocate again. This time for love. Out to the West Coast I went; just in time for the internet/tech bust. After some job and soul searching and an illness for someone in my immediate family I boomeranged back home. A few job changes followed and a separation then another go of things romantically...rinse and repeat. (In high school I think I once claimed that nothing is irreparable...ok, I was wrong.)

There were a few job changes but I thought I'd mostly decided what I'd wanted to be in the career area, at least for a while. And I thought I still wanted to be part of a couple so then came the dating someone from work decision (not a good idea...just saying in case you wanted to avoid that choice yourself).

And with almost cyclical regularity, another relocation. This one prompted by a new husband - the decision to get married this time seeming like an easy decision since when the question was asked things seemed next to perfect. (Note to self - not being cynical, but beware of things that seem too good to be true.) And the relocation involved remaining with the same company but changing roles so kind of a double whammy on the decision front.

Once relocated there was a few months before a career change - hmm...guess I didn't know what I wanted to be yet after all!

And not too long after that huge fissures formed in the perfect facade of my partner and I faced the difficult decision about what to do next. It became first a decision to just try to hold onto myself. A decision I never thought I'd have to make again. And of course this came bundled with other decisions like keep the house? sell the house? stay out west? crawl back home? file for a protective order? install an alarm? (so if more than one orgasm in short succession is multi-orgasmic then is more than one decision in short succession multi-decisive or a multi-decision?)

I think this was when I learned that sometimes no decision is still a decision which is sometimes ok when you've already made a really big decision. So I kept the house and stayed put and just tried to get it back together with as few additional moving parts to the big decision as possible.

So of course when I was mostly pulled together it was time for....a career change! This time with less decision on my part and more hustle.

And so this brings us to now...after life not requiring a major decision for a while it seems like they've banded together to form a gaggle of decisions to once again make me think about "what do I want to be when I grow up?"

  • a mom?
  • a mom by birth more specifically? (per the nurse "at my age")
  • an out of province auntie?
  • an in province auntie, sister, daughter (possibly requiring therapy) and friend?
  • a reasonably well paid Albertan where my increases at least seem to keep pace with the high cost of living
  • resident of a province where a raise is not considered a requirement and the cost of living seems to be rising faster than the Red River in the springtime?
  • and if it's an Albertan resident, is it a more rural Albertan battling the ridiculous daily commute or a house poor city dweller close to conveniences but with much less house for more money and possibly requiring a rottweiler companion for security?
  • a single spinster homebody? (maybe then I wouldn't worry too much about the 30 day challenge and the excess of "assets" I currently possess)
  • ready to run the dating gauntlet again? (and how does this affect the first two decisions in the list?)

I really think when they start you off thinking about what you want to be when you grow up they need to be really clear that this isn't a one time decision. (Perhaps a focus on decision-making in school starting at pre-school?) And it's not just about being a doctor or firefighter or construction guy or dentist or whatever. I knew that Little Golden Book from when I was a kid oversimplified it. It's a whole frickin' host of decisions!

So guess what, just when you might think you know what you want to be when you grow up or think you're there? Life's got entirely different ideas...

2 comments:

June said...

yah well let me know when you figure it out! (I vote for in-province, by the way.)

(We will change the list to read, "Only a few things are irreparable.")

joyce said...

glad I came by to read this.
I totally resonate on the "what to be when/if I grow up" issue.