Dating and confused

"Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart." ~ Annie, Bull Durham.

Ok so is it the timing that's off? Should I have studied more physics? And why does attraction have to be so out of our control? Why can't we be attracted to the person who on paper is the best match for us? Why is it so hard to find a good partner??

I have been seeing a seemingly nice guy in his early 40s. We have lots in common. We can talk for 2 hrs at a time on the phone. But (you knew there was a but, didn't you?) I don't think he's that into me. And ambivalence isn't a characteristic that I find appealing; it's hard on the self-esteem and the confusion it creates sucks up a lot of time and energy for over-analyzing. On the other hand there is a much younger guy (like well beyond my usual 7 yr age limit in either direction) who is the nephew of some friends that I see off and on every so often for social evenings. On paper this is a ridiculous match but the sparks are almost tangible. He's goofy at times and makes me feel young (I know that is totally cliche) and yet seems to have his crap together - owns a house and just started his own construction business, helps out his family etc. But (yep, another but) we never seem to get it together for more than the odd spark filled evening every few months.

And why did god give men radar? 'Cause I swear that they know when there is no man in your immediate vicinity and then they can't be bothered to give you the time of day but if you get just one phone call from a potential suitor they are back to being interested. Even when logged into an online dating site I've noticed it is all or nothing - lots of emails/smiles/instant messages or nada. I would love to know what women's equivalent power is...because understanding men sure isn't it.

Annie: What do you believe in, then?
Crash: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.