It's a "transitional period" not a midlife crisis!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces. ~ Bridget Jones

Well I went to see a psychic the other night with a friend. Going for a coffee and movie would be much cheaper but it sounded like an interesting outing and I figured what the heck! She doesn't call herself a psychic...something more along the lines of energy flows and auras and a whole bunch of other terms which I had never heard and seemed like a nice woman who reminded me a bit of Loulou's mom.

As I listened to my friend's "reading" I was quite cynical and thinking that some of it seemed a bit vague to me although related to her - she was going back to school, she did have a child etc. When it came to my turn it was different than I expected...still a bit vague but very different from my friend's reading and pretty spot on in some ways. I'm not going to get into details but one of the things she talked about was that I was in transition in all of the areas of my life which was unusual for me. NO FREAKIN' KIDDING! In the past I've always joked that I can get 3 out of 4 areas of my life going well but there is always one area in flux or going crappily (I know it's not a real word but it works). And yet lately, it's like everything is up in the air - not lately as in the last few weeks, more like lately as in the last 12 months. Career, love life, home and friends/family.

I will say that I fought it initially. For a girl who seemingly chooses to change things up quite regularly (18 moves? 20 moves?) I can't say that I embrace change wholeheartedly. Change I can control or am choosing is one thing; change that happens to me....not my idea of a good time and I fight it kicking and screaming. Now however, I almost feel like I am settling in to letting what will be, be.

I mean after you find out your husband is a sociopath and find out all kinds of horrendous things, think you may not be able to hold onto your home and do but with a mortgage larger than anything you could ever imagine, work like a madwoman almost 24x7 and have your "I just want the best for you as your friend" boss punt you from your job, feel like you've lost touch with some friends and do not seem to be gaining many new ones, what can be next? At the very least the next things to come along have a much higher bar to reach to shock me.

Look, are you and Cosmo in on this together? Because every time I see you, you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a COMPLETE idiot. And you really needn't bother: I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway - with, or without the fireman's pole.

Who knew that not knowing could be so freeing?? And almost fun...I've gotten back to some renos - have a bit of a girly bedroom, considered selling to move to the city, considered moving further out for cheaper housing, wondered about living in the states, gone camping solo and been a curiosity in the campground, have been out on a few dates, stopped dating, continued to date online, sold the Aztek, bought a zippy little Mazda, drive too fast with the sunroof open and belting out 80s for the ladies, had a bit of a fling with a 23 yr old, lost a job I thought was my future and that consumed me, flirted badly with the 28 yr old at the Home Improvement Warehouse - now you know why I keep painting!, am now working a job which requires no after work hours concern from me and gives me every other Friday off for more pay, lost weight, gained weight, started another tattoo, considered buying a truck, considered buying a camaro, dreamt of winning the lottery (so I wouldn't have to choose between the truck or camaro), got my divorce papers and laughed when I saw that they were printed by a dot matrix printer, debated having a child, started researching adopting, thought about moving home, thought about digging in, wished someone would move out here, wondered if I could learn to surf this winter, and strangely through all of this am not feeling totally panicked that I have no definite plan or plans for any of it. And most days I am not sure I am really 36....I mean where did the last 10 yrs go?? I could use a do-over for some of it...

But she informs me that things are going to get clearer in the next 2 months. Of course, just when I was starting to feel comfortable in limbo!

Resolution #1: uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. #2: always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workoholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts.